“I was pouring out my soul to the Lord.” ~1 Samuel 1:15b (NIV)
My husband and I dedicated my son Andrew when he was a baby, promising the Lord we would raise him to obey His word and follow His ways. Thirteen years ago, when a speeding drunk driver and my son, the passenger, slammed into a tree at 10:05pm after a McDonalds run late in January, that same night after a call from our local hospital, I lay on the floor of my hotel room and begged God to spare his life.
That desperation reminds me of Hannah’s prayers of grief over wanting a child, for she felt greatly distressed being rivaled and mocked for having no children. Eli, the priest, judges Hannah’s prayers for drunkenness but she responds, “Do not take your servant for a wicked woman. I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief” (1 Sam. 1:16).
Eli blesses her, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him” (1 Sam. 1:17). The Lord remembered her request and granted her a son. As promised, after weaning her son, Hannah went to the temple and gave Samuel to grow up in presence of the Lord. Every year she made a robe for him and presented it to him when she came to worship. Imagine how she lit up seeing him grow taller and stronger.
I know I cannot bring my son back, but every year when this time of year comes, I still grieve his loss and absence. And like Hannah, as she gave her son to the Lord, I purpose to trust God’s reasons unknown to me for taking my son so young. I imagine he is growing and maturing before the Lord. At times God gives to us and at times He takes from us. It may be a family member, a close friend, our health, or something else very important to us. At times, the grief feels unbearable and we may never fully understand why God permitted us to lose this someone or something we loved so dearly.
When we deal with a tragic blow like death and loss, it shakes our assumptions and beliefs in all that we know to be good and right. God understands our shaken trust. He gave us His Son. His only Son. Jesus came and lived among us and died and rose again so that we could have hope. Death is not the last verdict. Jesus’ life is. Jesus offers our hearts peace in our sufferings. We can count on Him that He will come again. As we approach anniversaries of losses, may we embrace our humanity and may we also be filled with joy knowing Jesus is coming to restore all things.
Our offering draws us near to God. The Greek word for offering is korban, which means drawing near to God. In moments of severe testing, God seeks to touch a place inside deep within us. He offers us His presence. If we let Him touch us in this inner place, though our hearts may feel as if they are breaking, He will draw near to us. Our hearts become more intimately connected with the Lord God Almighty. Nothing on earth can complete us than in this holy communion with our Lord.
“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” ~Psalm 51:17 (NIV)
Giving our hearts as an offering to God is a precious gift to Him. He receives our cries of grief and loss.
What might you want to offer to God?
Prayer: Lord thank you for the beautiful gifts you have given me whether family, friends, home, or work. Help me open my heart to trust you when you take away. May my offering be from a heart that worships You alone. For You are the One true God that gives life and hope. Give me grace to call You when my heart feels despairingly empty, barren with grief, or stricken with loss. Touch me with a closeness Lord that only You can give.
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